Five Drafts Later. . .

I have five drafts sitting on my blog dashboard from the past couple months just waiting for me to publish. The problem is I hate them all. They either sound more whinny than usual, reveal too much for the internet, or are just rubbish. Let’s hope this one goes better.

My sister has been in and out of the hospital for the last couple months including one stint that lasted three and a half weeks. I had forgotten how distasteful hospital trips are. It always seems more dire and intense the first few days. There always this long period of training involved with her hospital trips. Her rare genetic disease (IFOPA) makes her unique and, frankly, a pain in the ass to take care of. Nurses and doctors alike have a lot of trouble just figuring out how to do the normal things like taking blood samples from her. Plus she can be a bit temperamental. To aid in the training process and for the mental health of all those involved the family took shifts at the hospital. I took the night shift. You don’t really get any sleep on these shifts. My parents were amazing as always. They realized when I was reaching critical and sent me home. I love my sister. It’s just hard to love her when she’s being demanding and depressing. I have little patience for people who complain without making any effort at changing things in their lives. I’ll give her credit that a great deal of the stuff she deals with is medically related and not mutable. However, since she’s the one who taught me to be stubbornly independent the rest of the self-depreciating crap I cannot forgive. I’ll keep bugging her in my little sister way to take chances and live instead of just ruminating in her own foggy memory. We’ll see how that and her deteriorating health goes in the next few months.

I also had some unfortunate news come about school. I’ve been working to save money for transferring to UW-Madison to finish my degree in physics. I found out that they flat out rejected me. They accepted that there were extenuating circumstances affecting my school work at Crieghton and even said I’m probably a very capable individual. They just didn’t want me at their school. So, I must find a way to prove myself to them or find other avenues of education. I can go to the local technical school that has a very popular and successful transfer program. I’d take some math and science classes that I don’t really need but hopefully will show them that I can handle school again. I could also apply to be a special student and take classes at UW that I need. I just wouldn’t technically be a student, register last, and have to pay for all costs completely out of pocket. Finally, I could give Madison and go to UW-Milwaukee who has accepted me but has only a fair-to-middlin program. I already have a lease for next year at a great house with garden space. I have a job that is flexible with paid time-off accumulated for test days next year or a possible promotion at the library (the field I want to be in!). I like Madison as a city far more than grungy Milwaukee. I’m made sacrifices to see Madison become my next step in success. I’m just not liking my choices right now and really beating myself up for not somehow being smarter and stronger and more efficient at Crieghton. Gah!!

On to more positive news, I will be serving as an adult leader for the mission trip in Chicago I go to every year. I’m super excited to go back again and lead in a new way. There is a lot of preparation to do before the week in June. If anyone knows any good quotes about community, please send them my way.

I know there is more to say about all the good stuff. I’m just running out of room. I’ll hopefully let you know more about the awesome next time. I’m making choices and things should be lining up for a great summer. That’s really the most important thing at this point.

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