Shadow Move

This has been an interesting Summer filled with many new experiences and people. I’ve had a lot of opportunities to stretch my horizons a bit and have enjoyed the blossoming relationship that started this past January. Now we are moving in together and a whole new adventure is beginning.

Moving and packing has proven to be a more stressful event than previous years. I’m not new to this process. I moved a couple times growing up. I lived in a different place every year from the age of 18-24. My current apartment is only 350 square feet; it’s not like I own massive amounts of stuff. There is little that needs to be purged and nothing that will be difficult to let go of. I’ve put off the packing until this week. Already 2/3 of my apartment is packed up. The moving van is reserved for Saturday. I should be all set.

This is however the first time I’m moving in with a significant other, which is truthfully a little scary. I’m hoping I don’t scare him away with my ubber organized and clean self. I’m looking forward to getting to see him more regularly. Hopefully, we’ll get to cook together a little bit more. I think it will be a really exciting and wonderful change to our relationship. There will, most likely, be an adjustment period. I’m not foolish enough to think that it will be all roses and sunshine all the time, but I’m willing to put in the time and effort to work through the difficult times.

In this big upheaval, I’ve found it tricky to keep to my daily ritual. Previously, I’ve done some yoga and meditation work each night before bed. Sunday nights were devoted to OBOD studies. Simple ritual like this helped me stay focused during the week and centered in my practice. Right now my ritual space is filled with boxes and my Sundays are spent catching up on sleep. I know how important regular self-care is. Putting that knowledge into practice is just a bit beyond me right now.

The lack of daily ritual has put me at a loss when struggling with the stress of this move. I’m beginning to realize this is the first time since my family and I were evicted as a child that I’ve had to leave a place I called home without first choosing to. Even if I weren’t moving in with my significant other, my landlord was not renewing my lease in order to finish remodeling work in the building. This situation has brought all sorts of shadows to the forefront of my thoughts. My personal space, home, roots are so important to staying centered for me. Focusing on creating the most welcoming and peaceful place to live in has always given me a great diversion from the tumultuous life I’ve had. I was unaware of suppressing all this fear and anxiety about not having a home until now.

So, for the rest of the week I’m going to give myself plenty of time to take some extra long walks, meditate, and do plenty of journaling. I know that after this weekend I will be in a wonderful new apartment living with one of the most awesome people I’ve ever known. This adventure will be a good one. I’m not about to let fear get in the way of enjoying it.

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